I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
