Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
