2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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