I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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