i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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