someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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