she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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