I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
