just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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