She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Say something about gay babies.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
