I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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