Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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