You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
