Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
