yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
