I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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