Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and she was petting her beer can
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
