hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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