I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
