I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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