CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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