I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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