i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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