I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
