I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
