Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
