when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
