why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And my parents said I crawled through the house
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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