i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
