Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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