the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Farmville is her only friend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm too high and old for this...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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