I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
