His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize