we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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