I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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