Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
