wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
