We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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