are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
