so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize