I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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