maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
