Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
