careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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