Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
