Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
