i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize