hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
