Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
