I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
