i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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