$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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