Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
