I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
