Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
