That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
