so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
