you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
