dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
