I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
