put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
