is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
