It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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