"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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