Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
