Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
