That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
