Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
