i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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