Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
